“Literally every woman that I look up to is unrelatable,” Rachel Hollis, a very wealthy self-help guru, said in a TikTok video in April, describing how she wills herself to wake up at 4 am to conquer her day. As the concept was codified, the idea of the girlboss became about the melding of professional self and identity, capitalist aspiration, and a specific (and arguably limited) vision of empowerment. Women like Facebook’s Sheryl Sandberg and former Nasty Gal CEO Sophia Amoruso - who coined the term - were finally wrangling power away from the men who had held it for so long, which was seen as a form of justice. What set girlbosses apart from regular bosses was pinning feminism to hustle. Everyone was supposed to win when girlbosses won. As companies grew in her image, so did her mythos her legacy would be grand and fair, because equality was coming to work. As a female business leader - be she a CEO, an aspiring CEO, or an independent MLM superseller - the girlboss was going to unapologetically will empires from the rubble of rejection and underestimation she faced all her life. Born in the mid-2010s, she was simultaneously a power fantasy and a utopian promise. "If you care about the relationship," says Stern, "I recommend stepping out of any power struggle, setting limits, holding onto your own reality, avoiding trying to convince your gaslighter he is wrong and you are right, and getting social support.The girlboss is one of the cruelest tricks capitalism ever perpetrated. The bottom line when addressing someone who's gaslighting you is to remember to name the dynamic and to determine if the gaslighter is behaving that way intentionally and consciously, or if they're just using a strategy that they've learned and that works. If we find that we can't figure this out on our own, I'd like to attend psychotherapy sessions with a professional because I want us to have a healthy future." If we can't break this unhealthy cycle of behaviors, I won't be able to remain in this relationship. When you consistently blame me for any wrongdoing in our relationship or tell me that any concerns or complaints that I have of you and your actions are unfounded, it makes me feel like we don't have a chance at a healthy future together. I have noticed a destructive pattern in our relationship that I'm no longer willing to be a part of. You wonder if you are a "good enough" girlfriend/wife/employee/friend/daughter.You feel as though you can't do anything right.You have the sense that you used to be a very different person-more confident, more fun-loving, more relaxed.You have trouble making simple decisions.You start lying to avoid the put-downs and reality twists.You know something is terribly wrong, but you can never quite express what it is, even to yourself.You find yourself withholding information from friends and family so you don't have to explain or make excuses.You frequently make excuses for your partner's behavior to friends and family.
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